CNC Kink – the ultimate guide for beginners

CNC Kink

The CNC kink is pretty common, and it stands for Consensual Non-Consensual. This is where (by consent) one party ‘pretends’ to force the other into a sexual act by overpowering or restraining in some way. It is also known as rape fantasy, ravishment, or forced sex fantasies.

Have you ever wanted to grab your girl, throw her down on the bed, rip her panties off and have your way with her? Or girls, have your man hold you down while he fucks you hard? Most people have.

It ranks as one of the top two most common sexual fantasies amongst men and women. It is found in BDSM environments where bondage and restraints may be used or where there is a power-play between the ‘top’ and the ‘bottom.’ 

What Is CNC Kink?

Aside from group sex, forced sex fantasies are up there in the top 5 and rank second in adult sex fantasies. Recent surveys show that 62% of women fantasise about this type of sex power play in the bedroom, and when done correctly, it can add a real boost to your sex life- and bring you closer as a couple.

This is about the surrender of power. For women, it revolves around the taboo of being taken against your will or where you, as the man, play the role of the sexual aggressor and force yourself on a woman, overpowering her physically and sexually.

We need to be clear and walk a little sensitively here as the thought or discussion around rape can trigger some anxiety and concerns about whether men with this fantasy have issues with women and vice versa.

To be clear, rape is a heinous and unforgivable crime that deserves the most severe punishment possible, but rape plays with consenting (there’s that word again) adults are exciting and highly arousing and can produce an intense orgasm for both parties.

Examples Of CNC Kink 

Look at the volume of content on porn sites with this theme, ranging from teachers and students to ‘gang rape’ scenes, military interrogation, step-dad and step-daughter, and other forms like lesbian strap-on and pegging is a CNC element.

Any scenario where there is an element of coercion into a ‘pretended unwanted’ sexual act, from fondling to fingering to fucking could be construed as a CNC dynamic. Some examples are the predator and prey idea of the innocent woman being taken against her will by a more muscular attacker or waking up to find an ‘intruder’ in her bedroom who will have his way with her.

The Operative Word Is Consent!

This is an adult role-play, where one partner willingly agrees to submit control to the other. The dominating factor is consent, whether forced sex fantasy,  bondage, forced orgasm, spanking, discipline, or anal play.

And herein lies the real core of this kink –the mutually agreed power shift where the ‘bottom’ hands over control to the ‘top’ ( the one in charge). Understanding that letting go and permitting another to dominate and trust that you are safe in their care is a fundamental dynamic in this kink.

While many may think that the ‘top’ has the power, it is the opposite, as the ‘bottom’ has the option to stop the play at any time using safe words or gestures if gagging is involved, and the actual control lies with the bottom.

What needs to be understood is that the handover of control can happen with women being the top and in control and command, or the man, and the same applies in same-sex relationships, which is why the terms refer to the ‘top’ and the ‘bottom’ to describe the role of the ‘doer’ and the ‘receiver.’

Boundaries And Communication

Broaching the subject of CNC with a partner can be difficult as men and women may not feel comfortable expressing this type of fantasy with their partner for fear of judgment.

Having these fantasies does not make you abnormal or a pervert or indicate that you as a man have any issues with women or vice versa. This is a game where, like acting, people get to play a role outside of their everyday lives, and it is exhilarating for both players.

But the key to a successful scene starts with deep and honest communication, which is not negotiable. Everyone involved needs to know exactly how this will play out, and while the details can be fuzzed a little not to make it predictable, the overall vision and what is and is not allowed.

For example, the play may be about vaginal penetration and oral play only, with no anal sex permitted, or it can be all, but there can be no blood or any kind of lasting visible scarring or bruising.

Remember that going to work with bruises on her arms and neck COULD give the wrong impression, and you (and her) don’t need that kind of issue where people may have got the wrong idea about what is going on- and she may not want to explain that either to the police or her boss!

How To Approach a CNC Kink With A Partner 

Depending on your relationship and level of communication, this can be a straightforward discussion, or you may need to bring the idea up slowly. Maybe ask whether she would enjoy being tied up or holding her hands over her head during sex and see if she likes it.

You can incorporate some light BDSM play like spanking or light bondage, and again, this can be discussed beforehand so that it’s not a bolt out of the left field!

If you watch porn, maybe talk about those scenes and whether she would be open to watching them and discuss her reactions to the scenario. For the most part, you can jump into a CNC discussion, especially if you don’t know your partner’s history.

CNC Kink And Sexual Assault Survivors

Now, you, as the man, need to be aware that this kind of play can trigger emotions and recalls for survivors of sexual assault, but for some, it can be therapeutic as they feel empowered rather than victimised during the play.

This can instil a sense of control and power and allow them to overcome feelings of shame and victimisation.

Others wouldn’t enjoy this or even want to consider it, and neither is right or wrong here, but either way, the key is communication, and honest communication at that.

You also need to be honest about how you feel and your concerns in engaging in CNC play, as does she, for the play to work and address and resolve any issues that may arise.

If both of you are keen, but there is a sense that it may trigger either of you, you can opt for therapy to assist in resolving anxieties before engaging in any play so that any potential triggers can be identified.

CNC Kink Vs. Rape Play 

There is a difference between the act of forced sex and CNC as CNC can also incorporate other aspects of domination and subservience that may not involve sexual penetration. 

In BDSM, for example, the CNC play is where the sub relinquishes all control, and even when they are crying or screaming to stop, the play only stops once the agreed result is achieved, or the safe word is used in the play gets too much. 

For dom/sub dynamics, there are usually elements of punishment for lack of obedience, and there may not even be penetration involved.

In BDSM, there may be discipline involved, where you give her orders, and when disobeyed, punishments ensue. This could be in spanking, pussy and nipple and ass play, where you finger her ass or use other devices like butt plugs to elicit compliance.

Where more severe punishments form part of the scene, electric torture and more severe canings or forms of restraint may be employed. There is a difference between CNC Kink and rape play in BDSM, with sex only forming a part of the play is included at all.

So when looking at the CNC Kink, it is essential to understand that it applies to the sexual act and any other aspects where the control is surrendered willingly.

CNC Kink – Boundaries & Safe Words

Before we get to the fun part, you will need to discuss the type of scene you want to set and boundaries that can be reached but not breached. So she may agree to be tied up or have you spank her, restrain her using a tie or handcuffs for the play.

Examples of not permitted boundaries may be body fluids like blood and scat (poop), as not everyone wants to go to that extreme. There may be restrictions on what is and is not allowed in terms of penetration.

In BDSM, these terms may even be written as a contract with all terms, boundaries, and safe words contained in an agreement, but this is usually reserved for the lifestyle of dominant/submissive pairings rather than between casual or non-BDSM couples.

Another crucial aspect is the implementation of safe words. It’s better to have simple words to start with – much like your regular passwords – so they are easy to remember. For beginners, this can be as simple as ‘RED’ for ‘Stop Immediately’ or ‘GREEN’ for ‘All ok’.

If you use a gag (such as her panties), you need to create a safe gesture that will also stop the play if used. A simple one is the ‘tap-out’ where she can simply tap several times on the bed or floor (or whichever surface you’re using) to indicate the play needs to stop or she is uncomfortable.

Safewords and gestures transcend any agreement of surrender and are an intricate and intimate part of the play and must be respected without hesitation. Remember, your lady surrendering control to you for the first time is an excellent gesture of trust, so absolute respect is non-negotiable.

She is trusting that you will not only play the role but also be there to protect her during the play.

CNC Kink – Some Scene Ideas 

During open discussions, you can each put some ideas down about the type of scene you would like to play. Remember, this is a role play, so you (and her) need to understand the roles and carry them out.

While you won’t be getting an Oscar for your performance, you may even want to research the type of behaviour you need to exhibit at the top. 

The most common one is where you as the man overpower your ‘victim,’ which would involve plays like kidnapping or housebreaking where your ‘victim’ is surprised by an intruder who, after tying her up and ransacking the house, decides to take her by force.

Or if you have a garage, you could hide there and grab her as she comes home from work, pinning her to the car, stripping her down, and fucking her there and then. The role play scenes are a lot like choreographing a dance, and while there is some wiggle room, the major elements of the scene are set.

To add that sense of anticipation, you can change the time so that sense of expectation is heightened, or add a mask or balaclava for effect, but leave some space in the mask so she knows it’s you.

She may fight you and even strike you in the process, and you may do the same, possibly even have a weapon to add realism to the scene. Having her struggle while you finger her pussy or ass, lick or bite or nipples and force her to suck your cock before you fuck her are all elements in the scene.

Remember that this will be discussed and agreed upon before the actual scene.

Aftercare Is Important 

After the play, she may need some aftercare, and this is where you hold her as scenes can get intense, and where there has been pain inflicted, some gentle and tender reassurance and cuddling may be needed.

Sometimes, she may not want to be held depending on the intensity, but simple touches to reassure her could be an idea there. There may be emotional releases that you need to respect and be sensitive to, and post-scene discussions about what you both liked and want to do better or take out of future plays would be constructive.


CNC kink is a great way to add sizzle and spice to your sex life. With willing partners, trust, and open communication, incorporating this into your sex play can bring a deeper level of connection and trust to your relationship.

You can both bring some very powerfully creative concepts and scenes into your play, and the beauty of CNC is that, like sex itself, there is no limit to the variations and intensity you can both experience.

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